bad me

last night, i totally blew it. i lost my temper, i yelled at julie ann for coming home late. it's okay if she comes home late, i don't care. but when she got home last night, she doesn't know how to open the god damn door!!! since my room is near the door, i heard every freaking sound she made! and so, i cursed her, yelled at her, blamed her for my not getting enough sleep! and then cynthia came a little later, and since i was still awake, i was the one who opened the freaking door. so i gave them a lecture again. i was crying and everything, because i was so frustrated. this did not happened once. this has happened a lot of times, and they are still doing the same thing. I wake up every day at 5 am because my work beins at 6 am. and there they come, at 12 midnight, all noisy and giggly.... grrrrrr. what i did early this morning was, when i woke up, i banged their rooms, made them to get up. i told them, this is how it feels to sleep at 1 am and wake up at 5 am.... and i told them, if you feel sleepy, dizzy, and your head hurts like hell, i feel that too. lucky for you that when i leave, you could get back to your damn sleep, while i have to carry this discomfort until 5 pm!

i don't want to get mad, or get angry. i understand that they can't go home in a decent hour because of their jobs. but i only wish they could be sensitive enough to know that i need to sleep normally because of my not-so-normal working schedule. i wish they would go inside the house as quietly as possible. i wish they will come home without troubling me!

i regret that i cursed them, and yelled at them. i don't want to do those things. i love them. i don't want them to think that im such a bad person. but when one has not slept normally for five days, all these good thoughts just flew out the window.

argh. my head!

dedication and perseverance

me and my officemate, tita badz, decided to GET FIT. so, we went jogging yesterday and looked for a gym, which is near the office and at the same time, friendly on the budget.... we made this decision last monday, and since then, we've been feasting on canned tuna and crackers, and lotsa water. i know this is only the third day, but i feel lighter already. i lost three pounds, woohoo!

we were supposed to go to the gym later this afternoon but badet is sick, *sob*.... i want to go ahead, but i think i should wait for her til tomorrow. we're a team, so we should go on this TOGETHER.

i wish this fitness bruhaha will work. at the moment, i am very, very determined to see a change in me!


the sad thing is, I can't quit smoking!!!! i tried... but it seems that i was born to smoke! i hate it!

anyways, last night was my bitchiest act ever. and i regret it. i was asleep and then julie and cynt arrived from work, they were doing something in the sink and i told them to do it at the bathroom instead. after a while, the noise from the sink was back again, so i stood, dragged my sorry ass, and YELLED at them. i hate it when im being bitchy. i hate it when i lost my cool. i hate it. i want to tell them i'm sorry for what i did....

another restaurant in bondi beach......

one of the restaurants in Bondi beach.... so cool there! good food and all!

and another one

ever since i could remember, whenever someone would ask me what i would like to visit abroad, i would always answer, the Opera House in Australia! i am so fascinated with this building... my next dream place to visit would be the Stonehenge...

another pics.....

Watson's bay! this is still in Sydney, I met a very warm and friendly filipino family and they showed me around...

me at the moment

i am so full of emotions today. the good thing is, they are all happy ones. yesterday, i came home and found a stranger in my house, with a baby... turned out, she was my sister's friend and she stayed for the night. they haven't seen each other for a couple of years, so last night was a big reunion for them. having a baby inside the house is so amazing. his name is andre, and only one month old. his face is so calm, so peaceful that it's almost contagious... i carried him a lot of times and it felt really good.

i also missed my luvy last night! i missed him in a happy way... and when i woke up today, i thought of him first... (gee, i thought i'm over this corny things already!) anyways, i am so happy that we've been together for four years and six months already.... i see us being together for many years ahead. i sitll an't believe that we could last this long... we've been through a lot of emotional fights, but we always manage to pull it through.

the day is not yet half way done, but i don't care. i feel happy today...

coming clean

i have told so many lies, hurt so many people, broken a lot of promises, felt bad about one person so many times.... i still held a lot of grudges, a lot of hate, a lot of fear. i kept feeling deprived of something. i am contended with what i have, but i know that there could be so much more.

i want to come clean. i want to make peace with my past. i want to enjoy the present.