This so called LIFE

I don't know what brought me to face this PC. I came fresh from a nap which I would usually take right after I get home from work... I woke up feeling bored and useless... so here I am...

OH YEAH. State of emergency... my beloved country is undergoing some turmoil. So gross to talk about really, but I wish my damn country well. I love it here. It doesn't matter if half of the population thinks that this country is HOPELESS. Of course it's not... Give this country the right people to manage and I bet my whole ass that the Philippines would be much better than Utopia. Enough.

Thank PLDT for the ten peso unlimited call... my family can call me regularly now... and I am able to check on Tandy my baby regularly too! Little brother calls often, updating me about his recent school activities. I can't believe he'll be in High School next school year, sob- sob! My baby brother is all grown up. Last we saw each other, he's beginning to grow some BEARD.... ugh!

I watched Brokeback Mountain last sunday. It was very moving. A love story so tragic that it makes you want to comfort Heath Ledger.

a sweet realization

i just have to write about this. i've realized, how badly im treating the bf. he is such a good, good man, and i swear, no one can beat him at that... when we were together for two days... i saw how compassionate, so caring, so gentle he is. and then i look back at the bad things i've done to him, and it makes me feel unworthy of his time.

thanks bf, i still feel abd about what happened to me, and i am so scared of the thought of losing you.... thanks thanks thanks.

complicated

first, tahnk you tyn, for being there for me last saturday... it's true what they say... real friends will definitely show up in times of dire need. thank you also bf... for giving me shelter and never leaving me...

what a bad weekend it has been. i am filled with so much anger that i could burst. i am filled with so much hate, so much despise. i don't want to talk about this, but i feel like im ready to explode anytime...

i hate my sister so much. we had a huge fight, and i think this will be the last. we fought last friday, said bad things... we had this stupid argument a while back, and ever since, we have not spoken to each other. but that friday night, we clashed. i told her i was sorry for hurting her feelings, but she was so sarcastic still, and keeps throwing the words i told her.... like when i say, please, we can't treat each other as sisters, but please let's respect each other, she would go, yeah, why don't you say that to yourself? or when i say, don't use that tone of voice on me, and she would go, i don't like your tone either. BITCH. so. we had a shouting match, i shouted at her coz she won't listen... ugh! there was so much that we said to each other, i ran away from the apartment!!!!!! coz had i stayed, i might strangle her. the outcome of this is, i really can't forgive her now. i gave her the chance last friday, i told her we should settle our differences for the sake of peace, yet she insulted me! so... what was there to do? i hate her so much now. i said i was sorry, yet she kept blabbing about hateful things. i don't give a frigging care if she hates me, all i want is PEACE IN MY ABODE. i ran away, the bf was there for me, and also tyn. i slept in the bf house for two days (nowhere to go, nowhere sane to go, no choice, just want to be with bf)....

anyways, if war is what she wants, then let there be war. im going to make her life a living hell. im not a violent person, i am not a monster, but with that fucking bitch, i get animalistic and bastos. she's making a monster out of me, and that's what im going to do. the bitch!!!! i want her to die!!!!!! i hate her so much now!!!!

i can't move out of the apartment, coz my business is there. hassle. she should move out, after all, she was just living with me. the fucking bitch!!!!

i don't have a sister. i don't have a sister. i don't have a sister. that bitch is not my sister. that bitch is a bad fuck. i really hope that she was never born!!!!!!!! oh! somebody shoot her please!!!!!!

i should have never opened my doors to them. when i was living all by myself, my life was okay. and now that im living with four other people, my life has turned BAD!


shit happens, i know that..... but living with these people, shit just doesn't happen, IT FLOODS!