hey Coney

first of all, thanks for the card that you sent me. i searched all crevices of that sweet little thing hoping to find at least four 500 pesos bills... but no luck. hehehehe. just kidding. it brighten my night when i read it.

just want to take this space to thank you for the wonderful gift of friendship. it all sounds so cliche and overrated, but what can I do? that's how i feel.... grateful, thankful, lucky, blessed. you're a gift i will treasure forever!

keep on flying high! :)

i almost lost a toe

yesterday, i got on a jeepney and I hurt my toe. the door slammed and my foot was stuck. it was horrible. i felt a searing pain, and i did not dare to look at it. i waited til i got to the office. on the elevator, i saw tita baddy and i asked her if my toe is still there... it was still there, but it was fucking bloody and painful. i went to the clinic and two kind nurses cleaned up my wound. Whew! i guess i'll be taking the cab again, boo-hoo. so much for my saving money strategy!

Brunie is sooo talkative. he calls me "mimi" coz everyone at home taught him to call me mommy. last night, i was down on my last ciggie for the day. he was, i guess, ten feet away from me. when he saw me threw the cigarette, he immediately crawled towards me and cooed and laughed. aawww!!!! thinking that someone craves for your attention is a good feeling.

Hey best! hope you'll have a great weekend..... :)

letting go

it's been almost a year that my medium sized jeans and shirts are stored in my closet collecting dust. i have said before that i will not dispose them because i still plan to be back on my old medium self. but since im still fat as a cow, i've decided to dispose those clothes. i sorted out all there is to sort and i gathered a huge pile. i planned on having a garage sale this weekend, but yesterday, brunie's mom (who stays at my apartment just doing chores and etc) started selling those stuff. i was she did it coz it was a success!!! we had my stuff spread in the garage and people from all walks of life came and bought something. of course, there still a pile left and i brought a lot of them in my office today, and what do you know, i also made a great sale! i was thinking that nobody will buy my stuff coz it's not "branded" or classy. it's just penshoppe, bench, levi's, human, bossini... but people were really digging it. one woman said that if all the jeans would fit her, she will buy it all. there was also this woman who bought A LOT of clothes and then she haggled to death... like her total purchase is around 750 pesos, but she ended up paying me only 620 pesos. i guess it's just fair, although i think she made a r4eal bargain with all those nafnaf shirts she hoarded. :) i learned that i should put an expensive price mark because people kept on haggling that i ended up giving them 10 peso discount. so if they bought five items, i have slashed off 50 pesos!!! also, i wasn't able to buy plastic bags, and there were a number of people who bought a lot and need to wrap their purchases. also, i had no coins and small bills... so it was really a hassle when one person gave me a 1000 peso bill after a 120 worth of purchases. so there. lessons!

time to buy large and extra large stuff. hey, im cool with it. :)

this made me smile

Best, im reprinting what you wrote in your entry:

my best pau

it's amazing that pau and i got in touch after 10 long years of not hearing from each other at all..and great to know that we are still single while most of our classmates had tied the knot...if not pregnant without a husband....not bad for some...hehehe

since then we had kept in touch and never failed to tell each other how happy we are for finding each other again..we would share secrets, problems, crazy jokes...and all there is..though she's in manila and im here in iloilo...it seems like we are not that apart..well..if you dont consider the distance...hehehe

she's been a good buddy since we were in high school (back the old HFVHS days) together with melrose (she's in heaven now) though i remember one of teachers referred to her as the BI...that really hurt pau so much she decided to leave school despite the scholarship..hahaha...we lost touch..just to find each other here on friendster after 10 long years..hahhaha

and now....we've kept the fire of friendship burning..and hope to see her again...

pau...i really thank GOD i have you...Few good friends are really never lost...i may lose others but not you..

hay!!!! i have to teach you many things especially housework.....hehehe....love kids too..tara..gawa na tayo..san na kaya mga papa natin???hehehehejoke!!!



mwuah!!! miss you and love you ~b3st~
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yeah... the first two years of my high school life is the DARKEST period of my life. I got kicked out of school. i haven't talked about this and reading coney's post, i was taken back to that time when very few people cared about me and really understood me. Holy Family was supposed to be a school filled with love and all that shit, but I never felt those. instead, i felt misunderstood and i was always seen as the villain. not a single teacher cared about me, not even the freaking guidance counselors. the teachers! my god. they all claimed that i was bright and all but im lazy shit, but did they do anything about it??? all they did was shove into my face how useless i am. ora et labora? my god. if they live in prayer, why were they so cruel to me? i was always at fault, the bad influence... why? what kind of things did i shared with my friends? did i tell them to do drugs and have sex??? did i told them to cut class? did i told them to punch the teachers int ehir flat noses??? i did none of those. i only had some fun... like going to a town dance just for the heck of it, and my friends went with me. what's wrong with that? can't a thirteen year old stay up late? when the teachers knew this, they looked ta me as if I committed blasphemy. the fuck. just look at your sorry lives? where are you now???? not a single teacher cared about me there. they all think they are so clean and holy, when in fact they also have skeletons in their god damn closets!!! only my classmates and schoolmates cared about me those days--- coney, melrose, wella, christy porras, hilda abadajos, rosemarie, ana marie.... most of the times, i just get judged and criticized by the teachers!!!

i am so glad i finished high school at ramon torres national high school. at least, the teachers there are REAL. they don't judge people and they ASK WHAT'S WRONG FIRST BEFORE THEY THINK THAT IM A USELESS BRAT!!!

whew. Con, at least i got that out of my system. I visited mrs, S when i was a college sophomore and she was so surprised. the first question i asked her was, do you still remmeber me? and she said, Pauline... how can I forget? hahahahaha! and she also said that I was the only one who gave her a visit out of the blue.

well... we got to make peace with our past, right? i know that i had a bad experiece in that school, but i also have wonderful ones. in that school, i got very religious and i came to know God a little better... i also met lots of people, most of them has become part of my life.

i know this will sound crazy, but if i were to live my life again, I will still spend the first two years of my high school life at holy family. except that i would prefer that the teachers won't be that cruel and judgmental.

just to clarify... i loved my schoolmates and my classmates back in holy family. they were the only ones who made me laugh, smile and entertained. i met lots of cool manangs there-- rhodora batigas and etc. when im with my classmates, i feel so at home. but with the teachers, my life sucked! all they did was judge me and criticize me. it's only now that i realized, it was not my fucking fault that i was such a black sheep in school. they made me like that!

Peace!

the attack of a hyperactive ten month old monster

hehehe. im talking about brunie. this week, he sleeps at 12 midnight the earliest. sometimes, i play with him til he falls asleep, but since im an old lady, i can't keep up with his craziness. he's so cute and handsome and playful, and when he gives me that pout... ah shit, i can't help but retreat back to his bed and play with him some more. this little man had me wrapped around his fingers.

funny coz his name is not really Bruno. He is not yet registered, given the situation of my cousin. My cousin has been asking me to give him a name and I chose Jacob Peter. so... sometimes, i would call him Jacob, but he doesn't recognize it. when i say Brunooooo, he's so alert and he has this smile that makes my mouth water. Shit. is this me talking? do i really love babies now??? hahahahahahaha!

it's friday, and so far, this week has been great. I really am grateful that God never forgets me.

Happy weekend!!!

Love you Con! See you in December!!!

gloomy world!

it's been two days that the weather has been quiet stormy. it brings a certain gloom in my life, you know. i just want to burrow deep in my bed and sleep til i drop. :) but yesterday, i was very happy because I was able to eat boiled, unripened saba (a variant of banana) with shrimp paste. it feels like negros occidental all over again. I remember when I was a kid, whenever there was a typhoon, i would be staying at home and my mother or my grandma would boil all the green saba in the world. so yeah... yesterday i felt like i was home. it was great and sweet and sad all at the same time...

another thing that made me happy yesterday was Marco gave me TWIX!!! twix has been phased out here... or so the sales ladies told me. i was craving for twix since APRIL, hahahahaha. so imagine my joy and delight when i had three mini twix yesterday. i gobbled it up and I never shared it with anyone. it felt like a dream! did i really had twix yesterday????

Got in touch with Junazen, my kabarkada in college. She's in North Carolina now. Hi Bona!!! :)

written in the first page of my new journal:

"life is a dick... if it gets hard, Fuck It."

so there.

that thing

i should stop having weird dreams. it's driving me crazy. i wish that i can just forget all the weird dreams that i have, but no... when i wake up, i can still recall it vividly. like last night, i dreamed about my ex boyfriend whom i havent seen nor thought about for more than five years! in my dream, he was getting married and I was waiting outside the church. Then in the middle of the ceremony, he went out and came to me and gave me a rubber ducky... weird coz in real life, the first present that he gave to me was a yellow rubber ducky! then he said goodbye and i cried. no, i bawled. when i woke up, i have this silly look in my face and i was like, huh? what was that all about?

oh well. i guess ex boyfriends have ways to haunt you. nyahahahahhaha!

another old friend found thorugh friendster

Way back during my freshman year in high school, I had a seatmate named Cheryl. We're not really that close, but since there are only 40 something freshmen in my old school, everybody knows everybody. Me and cheryl used to bring pictures and stuff and show it to each other, especially when the teacher is not looking in our direction. She's a very smart girl, one of the best in class. Anyways, i left that school after our sophomore year and i haven't heard from her eversince. Not even once. I was surprised when she messaged me through friendster. Since then, we've been exchanging emails evry now and then. She married an american and is currently in Washington with her baby girl.

The blessings of Friendster! :)

From Dream Moods

Tsunami
To see a tsunami in your dream, represents that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feelings or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface. You are experiencing some unhappiness and emotional instability in some waking situation.

I guess so...

Lake House; OUR DAY!!!!

I watched Lake House with Marco last saturday. Darn it was a great movie, but the kissing scene in the ending SUCKED. It was almost a perfect movie, you know... great sound track, nice dialogues, beautiful concept, and very romantic slow dance (shit, I lurve, lurve that scene!)... but when the ending comes, and sandra bullock and keanu reeves met and kissed... turn off man! keanu was soooo... gay. It would have been a very romantic kiss if Sandra was a man. So there.

So last saturday was a special day for me and my BF coz it was OUR DAY. we ate seafoods at Dampa... it's not something that we do everyday so i really had fun that day. And besides, the last time i had oysters was like five freaking months ago... so it felt like nirvana when i pigged out on oysters that day. we also went to Market! Market! and I passed by this feng shui store. Since i'm a big fan of that, I stopped by and we bought 6 little buddhas... cool! I wanted to buy jeans, coz i have finally accepted that it will be a looooooooong fucking time to get back in my skinny jeans again and im willing to buy extra large jeans, but NO FUCKING LUCK. i wasn't able to find the kind of jeans that suit me. so maybe i'll try again within this week.

anyways... i kept dreaming about tsunamis. weird.